In a Time Almost Before I Was Born, In a Place I Don’t Come From

All the vampires walkin’ through the valley
Move west down Ventura Boulevard

• Tom Petty

The wind whips down the alley, driving the rain’s wild horses before it. That’s something I notice about this city; the lack of debris. The sidewalk stirs ahead, a confusing mix of emotions. The unhoused, huddled under discarded U-Haul moving blankets, feet sticking out over the underground steam grate.

The sun’s fading light mixes with today’s faux neon and I chuckle to myself. As a kid reading Gibson and watching Tron I always expected the world to be broken, drenched in neon, teetering on the edge of a quiet anarchy or a loud autocracy. The fact that we got diffused LED panels and a society that increasingly feels like it wants to be collectivist, if only each person individually gets what they want, feels like worst of the options.

I try to walk faster against the cold and my hips and my back tighten. It isn’t age so much as it is mixed messages. Years of wearing barefoot shoes to fix plantar fascia problems taught me to walk toes first, the way athletes run, but these oversized jackboots instinctively make me heel strike the ground.

Stepping off the curb, looking both ways even though it’s a one-way street, I cross against the light like I belong. Cars whiz by but none of them turn. I don’t know why but I feel satisfied at guessing the light.

From somewhere under me, my knees figure out what I want them to do and I’m walking faster with no effort.

The buildings fall away and the wind slams into me, pushing me sideways as I cross the bridge. The rain threatens to engulf the world but it never really delivers, never more than spitting into the wind, even out here in the open.

If you’re cold you’re not walking fast enough! I chuckle again to myself and drop into a deeper stride, dodging other pedestrians. For a moment I feel free.

Free because out here on the bridge walking faster than most people can, with the morning behind me and the day ahead of me, I am free.

Free from the worries, free from the obligations, free from the work. Just me and the wind and the weather and a few minutes to spare.

Glass and steel looms ahead. I push through the revolving doors and say hello to the security guards. They check my bag and I am home for the day.